Creator's Notebook

A fresh start

Day…. erm, day something! I’m not sure now. But we’re back to old habits. Up at 7am, tea and writing (skipped the breakfast for now, will have that in an hour or so).

The pattern became a little interrupted and I found myself sleeping in or being at family’s homes where I was unable to awaken early. Apparently (don’t quote me on this) the rule is 5. Once you’ve tried something consecutively for 5 days or more you will continue to do it out of habit. This could be sleeping until a certain time, a diet, a phone call, a routine etc. Well I got to day 4 and fell… I guess many people would. However, here I am, back and ready to start again (although VERY tired) I have my tea! :D

What are you going to do?

So what can we do? The world is not how we want it to be… can’t complain unless you do something about it.

After a heated discussion last night I now fully support my initial belief that we are not entitled to complain about something unless we are prepared to (and do) something about it. What gives us the right to moan about things if we are not prepared to take a stand, shout out loud and get things changed? If it means that much to us, surely we would, and if we don’t, then it doesn’t mean that much to us so we shouldn’t moan. See my logic?

I hated that the bus fares in my local area were classed as adult at age 14, so I campaigned, I wrote to my MP, I made a presentation to the council’s transport department, I met with the Regional Co-ordinator and presented my case, I stopped people in the high street to sign things and again I went back to the council. Things changed. I won my case.

I could recite many examples, bus fares, sexual health advice ages, youth group times and ages, council budget cuts, representation of all parts of society… I’ve done those, I’ve changed them and all just through passion and the correct presentation of my points. (Or annoyance, if you annoy someone enough they will finally change the thing you want just so that you leave them alone!) Sometimes it doesn’t work, for example I also campaigned for free university- look how that turned out. But I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t try. And through that campaigning, through the long hours and late nights I met some amazing people, people who were as passionate as me about the same issues. We lost. But I now have a huge platform to stand on and hundreds of like-minded people ready to help me and be as passionate as me.

If you feel that strongly about something, go ahead… what are you going to do about it? If the answer is nothing, or your answer is an excuse or “reason” as to why you can’t do anything – you are not prepared to change things – stop moaning. I don’t care.

A journey…

So, here we are - day 4.

Didn’t really go as planned. I was travelling lots yesterday which is why I didn’t update. However, I still got up at 7, had breakfast, showered and then began my day (bus, coach, aeroplane, car, walk, car, train, tube, walk, tube, train, car, walk -arrive). So as you can imagine, there wasn’t much time for “doing” things - more thinking. Other than that, I was tired and groggy and very ready for a nap.

Naps are awesome.

Last night I went to a science show, it’s called The Uncaged Monkeys, you may have heard on Radio 4 a programme called The Infinite Monkey Cage (Robin Ince and Brain Cox), well it was them, Simon Sinhg, Adam Rutherdord, Tim Minchin (and special guest Ed Sheeran- nice surprise). Lots of science talk, lots of jokes, live link up with CERN in Switzerland (Large Hadron Collider!). Was a very enjoyable night!

What with all the travelling and show etc I was unable to get to bed before 2:30am. Bad times. So, despite setting my alarm for 7am I didn’t actually arise until 11am. A little disappointed in myself but I suppose I’m allowed a slip up (beginner remember!)

Today was spent tidying my room (I’m home in the South East for Christmas now!) And sorting a few things out. Wrapping presents and sorting out washing.

I realised today how much I detest being called stupid. I’m not stupid, I’m the cleverest amongst my siblings so far. The best GCSE’s, the best A levels, I’m at university… yet people insist on calling my stupid, laughing at my lack of knowledge on a specific field that they are interested in. That makes my day a little gloomier, I feel pushed aside. Of course, I know it’s not true, yet somehow it still bothers me. Something to ponder maybe :)

So tomorrow shall be an early start again, yet more travelling to see various family, drop off presents, fix computers, take my nan to lunch. It should be pleasant. I’m looking forward to it. Christmas has begun.

Day 2 and Still on Track

Good morning! I did it again, so far so good, up at 7am, made tea, bran flakes and back to my room to eat them and drink it. Opened up my laptop, checked emails (nothing there again!), opened up TheStudentRoom to check the posts I placed there (very little response), and then opened up ZenForumInternational – an online community I joined yesterday and I’m very pleased with the responses so far.

So, yesterday I learnt a couple of things about myself – sounds hippyish I know! But amazingly it happened and in a weird way I’ve come to realise a few things.

• Firstly I noticed that my breath is never just in-out-in-out. My breath seems to flow in a circle. Regardless of how much I concentrate on my breathing, I can never find a point where my breath goes from being an in breath to an out breath (unless I hold my breath in between). My breath was calm and relaxed and very smooth. I like that I’ve been able to figure something out.

• Secondly I have come to realise that I am unable to meditate! A bit of a crazy thing for someone who is trying to use meditation in their daily life to announce. I can’t meditate but I CAN visualise. I find that regardless of how much I concentrate on my breath, on being still or calm etc, my mind always wanders off to create its own story. Pretty cool eh!? And my visualisations ALWAYS have the kids in them. It’s a very comforting thing to be able to see them every day, something I have gone without for a long time.

My visualisations generally take place in the same setting. A wonderful wooded area, many fern trees, a trickling (but deep) stream, soft grass (I never wear shoes), a wooded stair case and the sun over the stream dancing in and out as it reflects the water. Most of my world is dark, but as you get closer to the stream the sunlight hits your eyes and you notice the beauty of the water. I very rarely venture past the back of the staircase, I don’t see much there yet, maybe in time I’ll come to know what’s hidden back in the woods, thinking about it now the back of the woods has a very similar view to a place I used to go camping in Clacton with my family, behind those trees was a swimming pool and a climbing frame, perhaps these will be the same. But my time is spent near the stream, in and out of the fern trees, running between them with the kids, laying on the grass and playing clapping games – a very young kind of visualisation I think.

Today I have a few things on my list of ‘to do’s. I have already completed a couple. My work has been transferred to my memory stick, I’ve checked my various email accounts and online accounts and now I’m completing my blog, hi! Left for today is: printing my work, attending my lecture, meeting my advisor and packing for home. Not things that are very exciting, but things that need to be done. Here we go!